Difference between love and "in love"?

I have been dating a guy for about 6 months. He will tell me that he loves me sometimes. But a few days ago, he asked if I was "in love" with him and I said maybe (I was caught off guard). I asked him if he was "in love" with me and he said no. He said he wasn't sure if he ever has been and whether or not he could be (in love with anyone).


When I brought this up a few days later, he said he thought I was rushing things and that it sounds like I had been thikning about the future. He said he cares about me and likes spending time with me and getting to know me. And then wanted to know if I was in love with him.


The more I thought about what he said the more it bothers me.


Can anyone explain this behavior and what they think the difference between being "in love" and loving someone?


And what they would do in this situation?

Difference between love and "in love"?
You can love your mom, but it'd be weird to be "in love" with her.


"In love," as best as I can tell, is deep romantic love, as opposed to a strong caring for someone like the love you have for your mom or brother.





It sounds like he either has issues with commitment, or he doesn't want to commit to you. His question was to gauge how strongly you feel for him.





In any case, this is a bad sign, it shows that _he_ is the one looking into the future; and not liking what he sees there.





As for what you should do: ask him directly what it is that he wants out of your relationship. Is he looking for love, or just a steady lay? If he answers outright, you'll know what's up, if he tries to dodge the question, then he probably isn't looking for love.
Reply:by love he means he cares about you; by not being in love, he means that he doesn't feel as if he's going to spend the rest of his life with you. That shouldn't come as much of a shock to you............
Reply:To put it as simply as I can, I love my brothers, my mother, even, sometimes, my father. But I am NOT "in love with" any of them.





I can love and do love many people on many levels. Including ones I've lived with, married, etc. But being "in love" transcends that feeling. I am now and have been for 20 years, totally "in love" with my current husband. It is hard to explain the difference, but I suggest that if you HAVE to ask -- then you are not.
Reply:Is'nt that weard how "Man kind"has given a name to something thay can't define the meaning of. All we know is that some kind of feeling,emotion has come over us.We may not know what it is ,but it feel's good and so we akcept it.Then we realise there are other feeling's and emotion's thet come with it.Bad one's ! And it's our natural instinkt to back away from thing's that hurt us.So now we have to deside if we are brave enough ,strong enough to akcept the bad with the good..Being in love mean's your open to all other emotion's aswell.To just love something mean's the feeling does not go deep enough to be hurt by it. (These are just my thought's)
Reply:you can love someone without being in love with them. but dont worry most of the time being in love takes time
Reply:sorry, but he is baling out on you. just trying to be nice about it.


the difference is...I love my puppy, but I don't want to have sex with it.
Reply:love is always a choice, you can love many times, but being in love only happens once, mabye twice in a lifetime. when you love you are in control, but when you are 'in love' you feel like it is bigger than you are. being in love keeps you together through thick and thin, not to say something bad couldn't happen but most likely it won't. i am still in love with my husband for 22 years, his hugs and kisses still excite me, his arms, even his voice, it's something i can't explain. when you're in love it captures you, and you can still feel jealous.
Reply:there is no difference, and i think he should just bother someone else and not you
Reply:The differance is hearing a triangle chime (love) and 200 Trumpets blasting (in love)
Reply:There is a difference. You can love someone for lots of reasons but not be "in love" with them. Loving someone is staying with them because you have kids together or having feelings for them while you think you cant to better. But being in love is when you cant wait to see that person, run and hug them when you see them, cant keep your hands off them, want to be with them every minute, miss them all the time. Thats being "in love". To sum it up caring about someone is love but not being "in love".
Reply:just loving someone means you don't want to see them get hit by a car. basically you care about them. in love means that you can't see yourself without them.
Reply:being in love with someone means you can look past their problems and love them for who they are. it also could lead to having a future with that person.





you can love someone and not be in love with them (i.e. friends, family, etc.). 6 months is a little soon to be "in love", but only you will know if you are in love or not.....
Reply:Loving someone is accepting 100% them for who and what they are.





Being In Love is a temporary state in which you're affected emotionally and physically by someone else. You usually see the other as the best thing since sliced bread and cant think of anything or anyone else all day.





The situation itself seems like he clearly loves you but he might be scared by commiting to a romantic relationship with you.





This is quite normal for men.





You might try to give him some space for a short while but if he doesn't commit to you, he's just not worth it.
Reply:i think that "in llove" means that you are fanatical abou that person and that you are like really boyfreind-girlfreind forever... that kind of thing. I think that when he said he loves you it is like saying he cares about you and that he wants to keep dating. etc.
Reply:difference is, you love your mom, right? but are you in love with her? probably not unless you're from arkansas.
Reply:He's probably upset that you didn't say you were in love with him, so now he's trying to cover his *** by saying he's not in love with you either.
Reply:this is the answer i put to every question about love. I like this definition, I think its spot on. Go down the list and see if you feel it.





"A totally unexplainable feeling that can not be described in any way possible, but there are two things, One, When you feel it while with them it’s the best feeling in the world, nothing surpasses it. Two, when you feel it without them it makes you feel bad and yearn for their presence, but you still feel that happy feeling somewhere inside and it confuses you terribly.





Although the feeling of love is not describable some of the things that are symptoms I guess, of that feeling are things like, or include the following:





(These are in no particular order)





-A complete trust that your thoughts and feelings and other aspects (if not all aspects) of your life/self will be safe in the hands of another.


-You can’t do anything without thinking about them.


-Longing to hold them (or be held by them) and be with them.


-Wanting to be with them every second of the day.


-Without them with you feel empty inside and incomplete.


-The desire to learn (everything about the one you love) and to teach (everything about yourself.)


-Knowing that they will always be there for you no matter what happens.


-An intense devotion to him/her.


-Knowing that nothing else matters more than them.


-When you accept the other person entirely and completely.


-Knowing if you were without them you could not live.


-Love makes you look down on everyone else, because they do not feel what you feel (presumably.)


-Everything seems better when they are in your life, they make the sun a bit brighter, the birds chirp a bit louder, your heart beat a bit faster and there is a spring in your step too.


-It makes you feel like you are stuck in a dream.


-They make you get butterflies in your stomach when they look at you and they make your pulse race when they touch you.


-It’s not to be mistaken for lust.


-They can make time stop dead in its tracks when they kiss you.


-You would go to great extents for them.


-Sometimes you just want to break down in tears for no reason at all.


-Love is reciprocated.


-When they tell you they love you it makes your heart weak and your chest tighten.


-When you think about how they love you (and you can’t believe it) it almost brings a tear to your eye.


-It makes you blind.


-It makes you happier than you have ever been before.





But everyone feels love differently, in his or her own way. This is just what I feel. There is probably other things I cant remember at the moment or other things other people feel."





"In love" and "love" in this context mean the same thing





in other contexts, I think "in love" is a one way thing and when two people "love" each other, its requited.
Reply:He wants you to be in love with him, but he wants to take it slow.





Love is when you're with someone (or not) and you care about them but you're nothing more than that -- boyfriend and girlfriend.





Being in love is when you can picture yourself with that person when you're older, married, with kids. When you WANT to marry that person and have kids and grow old together.





When you're in love, you just know you are. You don't take a quiz or ask anyone "This is how I feel, am I in love?" you just know. :)





Good luck!
Reply:Hmmm... I think he figures being "in love" with someone means you're in it for the long haul, while "loving" someone is more about the present. Maybe he's not ready to step into that full commitment of thinking about a future with you. Sometimes people have boyfriends or girlfriends just to have boyfriends or girlfriends. But sometimes they're looking for and interested in finding someone who they could possibly spend the rest of their life with. It sounds like your boyfriend is in the first category for now.
Reply:I think I understand. You can love someone very deeply but the love may not be reciprocated. That is why the term in love is followed by the word "with". It becomes mutual.


It is also possible to love someone and not be in love with them.


In some ways loving someone is very much deeper than being in love, as being in love requires (to me anyway) the presence of very deep passions, an almost physical drawing towards the other person and constant thought of them - Your man has a lot of stuff deep down inside him you should try and understand. Remember Prince Charles' famous line when asked if he was in love and he made the comment "whatever that is" - he was not in love with Diana - I doubt he really knew how to love her because he knew she wasn't the "keeper" he needed. I do not think you are the "keeper" for your man and I do not think he is your "keeper" - but he could be - if you are able to discover what he means by love - because I do not think he knows what it is; and if he does have an idea of what it is, it is definitely not the same definition as yours. In your situation I would think this had the makings of a long term friendship and no more. There is the bacon but there sure isn't the sizzle!
Reply:I have had this discussing with several people and we have all generally agreed that when you love someone you have a general sense of caring about the person. You like spending time with them and you want the best from them. But loving someone does not have to be romantic or long-term. You can love your friends or parents. But being "in love" usually involves a romantic connection that you want to keep for the long haul. When you are in love with someone you want to work through any difficulties the relationship may encounter. You want to commit to this person. You see them as a possible life partner. That is the difference between "loving" and being "in love".





As far as your particular situation goes and the squirrelly behavior of this guy you're a dating, I believe he is not ready for a committed relationship. He seems concerned that you may have more serious feelings for him than he has for you and he is trying to make sure you are not expecting a commitment that he is not ready to give. In truth, it's a good thing that he is checking in with you about this. It sounds like he likes you and wants to continue to see you but he doesn't want to get trapped in something that he is not ready for. If you feel the same way, I say "rock on". If not, it's best to talk to him and get it all out on the table now. Hope it works out.





Peace
Reply:Some guys make a distinction between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." The guys that do make that distinction are usually trying to obtain an advantage of some sort (maybe just to get into your pants) by saying they love you (not that they are in love with you), usually tell most girls they know the same thing, and only point out the distinction when they want the girl to break up with them. This particular guy seems to be screaming for his freedom--so I'd cut him loose and let him fly. When he asks if you're in love with him, tell him you'll let him know after you get to know him better b/c isn't that what he wanted....just to get to know you. He's playing you--so let him go and toy with someone else.
Reply:In love is to be as we say crazy about someone. To miss them when they are away. To think about them and can't wait to see them. It appears that your friend is correct in what he says. He is not in love; he can take it or leave it. He is trying to be carefully. He is not ready for marriage or anything else except what goes along with dating.





It appears this relationship is going nowhere because it is not based on anything solid. It is two people that like each other but that is as far as it goes. When a man loves a woman he let it be known that she is the one. If you are not getting this message, I would suggest that you move on.





I do not know if you are sexually active, but I would suggest if you are to stop. If a man does not love you enough to marry you, then what is the point of dating; and it seems to me he is not ready for anything serious.





Let me suggest you read 1 Cor chapter 13 for what love does. Then I believe that you will see the different between love and in love.
Reply:To quote a famous person "That depends on what your definition of is is." He is splitting hairs to hang on to you while keeping his options open.
Reply:When you are IN love with soemone you care about then deeply to the point where you don't even want to consider being with anyone else at allllll, when you love some one, you just care about them deeply,,,, thtas my interp. good luck!!!!!!





There is a difference, I LOVE ,and maybe always will love my ex, but I am not IN LOVE with him anymore. I dont want to be with him, I want someone else, it doesnt mean i dont love him as a person anymore.
Reply:There is no difference. It's just a scape goat that women(or men in this case) use when they are trying to let you down easy.





Love is unconditional, whether it's in or out.