Love Poem I wrote. Please read and give opinions or tips!?

Love Is...





A slight chance of heartbrake


The complicated musical of life


A chance that you take


When your heart takes over





Love is full depression


Love is your first impression





The one time you find


That your mine


is caught off track


and thats one known fact





You shirt, tear stained


Your veins pump with


hopeless sorrow strained


the pain unbearably confusing





The heart hangs heavy


As it turns to lead


don't get your hopes up


You'll fell tradgecally dead





YOu eyes fill with dread


Who really cares much anway


Clood is on the bed


the rose you gave full of tyranny





Love is your biggest mistake


Love is your dying fate








*******************************


Okay, Well that is based on how I feel about love.


Just tell me how the poem is. Short, yes. But I'd just like to know if its good...


Don't judge it by the feelings....cuz thats just me for ya.

Love Poem I wrote. Please read and give opinions or tips!?
there are a few typos:





heartbrake should be heartbreak.


thats should be that's


You shirt should be Your shirt


You'll fell should be You'll fall (?)


tradgecally should be tragically


You eyes should be Your eyes


anway should be anyway (you should end this with a '?')


Clood should be Blood (?)





Even giving allowances for the typos, the poem isn't that good. I am sorry, but I am assuming you want us to be honest.





Keep writing though.
Reply:I think it's lovely. If you're not even in high school yet, you are doing brilliantly.





I personally don't think you need to take a "course in collage"....unless you are interested in switching to arts and crafts.





The only suggestion I might offer right now is the rhyme scheme. I'm not well educated in poetry, but I might stick to one scheme with this one.





Example - the verses in your poem which rhyme are:


Stanza 1 - lines 1 %26amp; 3 (heartbreak - take)


Stanza 3 - lines 1 %26amp; 2 (find - mine), then lines 3 %26amp; 4 (track - fact)


Stanza 4 - lines 1 %26amp; 3 (stained - strained)


Stanza 5 - lines 2 %26amp; 4 (lead - dead)


Stanza 6 - lines 2 %26amp; 4 (dread - bed)





It might flow better if you kept the same lines rhyming. But....as I said....I am not an educated writer. This is just what I might do personally.





You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. Keep writing!





Good luck!
Reply:read this poem after answering your depression question.


this poem is very grown up. i particularly like it. it was, however, kind of depressing itself, so i did get your exact feeling. i think that is what you wanted).


i say don't stop writing poems. you are good.


and everyone has typos.
Reply:cool
Reply:Aside from the spelling and grammer mistakes, 6.5/10. It has a lot of conflicting emotion. The second, fifth, and last stanzas touched me most. Needs a bit of work, though. The first and fourth stanzas were the weakest, and the ryhmes were horrible in the third. But I can hear your voice speaking from it. That is what really counts. Trust me, I am a poet myself.





Poetoffire 777
Reply:YOU NEED MORE PRACTICE. take a course in collage.
Reply:use spell check
Reply:abolish feeling?? from a poet???? no way! Poetry is all about feeling.





It's nice and helps to understand about something that's not understandable, a lot.
Reply:I think its good.

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