I love a man who belongs to someone else. He loves me too but won't leave cuz of his son. what do i do?

we became best friends, and then lovers. I am separated but he is still married to a woman he doesn't love. His son is 15 and he doesn't want to disrupt his life. I understand that, I do. But my heart feels heavy. I have never loved a man like i love this one. I know this is the one, the one that i should be with until the end. I would wait if i had to. I spent a lot of time with a closed heart until he came into my life. I opened it up again and now it feels worse than ever. Why is it always this way? I actually thought i could have what others have. I know its not his fault, but it doesn't change how i feel. I have to go back to that person i was before. I had accepted the fact that i will go to my grave without having that one true love. I will be alone, by choice, cuz i won't let anyone in again. I am 47 years old and this time i would like to win at love. I wanted my chance, one more try. How do i get him to understand how i feel? I truly, genuinely love him.

I love a man who belongs to someone else. He loves me too but won't leave cuz of his son. what do i do?
Basically there are two types of people and two types of romantic love (although type two has a variation for most types of platonic relationships also. You see it often with mothers toward their children.)


Love type one: Eros love


- This is what they are talking about when you read about the love chemical. It has a huge effect on this stage of love. This is the love Jack and Rose had for each other in Titanic. You feel it in the beginning of a relationship. You are completely obsessed with the other person. Passion and fire is rampant. You rarely think of other things. You tell people you are in love. They can do no wrong in your eyes. It is exciting. You feel completely desired, wanted, and worthwhile. This love has an expiration date. It wears off. You start to see their flaws. It gets old. I've heard this can last up to about three years. Some people let the "love" go, saying it has become boring and they don't feel the same way. Often this is for the best, but sometimes they let go because of immaturity and look for the next best thing, the next high. This first stage of love has to happen to get to the next one. I'm sort of glad it expires, because you wouldn't be very productive or balanced if you were completely obsessed with a person forever.


Love type two: Agape love (agape is an old greek word for "love feast" and I've often heard it adopted in this culture to describe this second type of love)


- If you are lucky, you go into this second stage. This is commitment love. It is characterised by unconditional positive regard, patience, and self-sacrifice. There are ups and downs, but you stick with it bc you realize that real love isn't a feeling, it's actions, loyalty, and grace. This takes maturity and you generally have to have developed a real friendship with the person that will whether the ebb and flow of emotions. Sometimes the fire re-surfaces on special occasions, but it's not as all-consuming or long-lasting and brainless as eros was. This is what the 80 year olds celebrating their 60th anniversary have. This love protects the other's heart and shows love with actions even when they don't FEEL love for the other. Obviously, it seems like this is rare, and it is pretty rare. It requires unselfishness and for people to lay down their pride from time to time. That also takes intelligence. But it happens. They may not always be perfect to each other, but by and large, they go the distance because the majority of the time spent together is this kind of eternal love. You just have to realize that in real life, it's not the fantasy people represent it to be. It's work, it's family. It's not everlasting eros. There is more of a choice, and I think this means more. If it's easy to love and treat you right, you should expect it. If it's a constant effort that reaps sweet rewards, it means a lot.


Love is patient, Love is kind,


It does not envy, it does not boast,


It is not proud, It is not rude,


It is not self-seeking,


It is not easily angered,


It keeps no record of wrongs.


Love does not delight in evil,


but rejoices with the truth.


Love always protects, always trusts,


always hopes, always perseveres.


Love bears all things, believes all things,


hopes all things, endures all things.


L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.


Two types of people: people capable of agape, and people who aren't.











If you think what you feel sounds more like eros, you should leave him to his family until they break up on their own. Don't break them up. That's not love, it's passion. Don't be that girl.
Reply:dont be fooled...i am in the same position and if he loved you hun, he would be with you no matter what... he's lying to you.. please pleeeease trust me...bin there done it and still single despite him loving me sooo much...hummmmmmmm xx
Reply:I only read a few lines. No need to read the whole thing as Darling it's the same story, whichever way you put it.


You are wasting your time.


There'll always be a good reason for him not to leave his wife, and you'll be waiting till you realize that life is passing you by and you'll always be second best.


Move on and let go.


He's not yours to get.


He's not available.


So, whatever happened between the two of you, should never have in the first place.


Whether he loves his wife or not, is irrelevant.


If he wanted to be with you, he'd have made himself available.


No buts, no ifs.


He's not and you have to respect and accept that.


Plenty of fish in the sea. Let go, keep your self-respect and let this guy take his own responsibility.


As long as you are being understanding, you'll be in the same situation for the years to come!!!


Good luck.
Reply:Well look now I saw your question and I was actually kinda of amazed cuz like you know most people just held those things to themselves. I know it is hard to hear but if he is married, even if he doesn't love his wife, he has a son. If you ttruly love him (although this sounds so cliche) you should let him be with his family even if this is because if this is for his son who I suspect doesn't like you at all because for him you are he woman who ruined his mom's and dad's marriage. That kid will hate you, hee will cry (even if he is a boy) for what you did and eventually he will make his dad so unhappy that even if he loves you he will start thinking too that breaking up with his wife to marry you wasn't at all a good thing. I actually have fallen in love with a man who didn't eventually love me back and he had a family and although this sounds so different it felt the same back then because I actually thought I had a chance but he wasn't interested-duh-, well at first I was stubborn and I only thought about my happiness and not at all about the fact that I could ruin his family then I realised that even if one in a million I had a chance I wouldn't like to be the woman who ruined his family cuz this would eventually make him unhappy and back then as I can recall I tryly loved him and all I wanted was for hm to be happy. Well, I spent some time crying and then there it was: a new chance with whom he loved me back and I loved him.


I am going to be honest with you; I can't obviously know the future so I don't know what are your chances but I think at least or me that it is better to not have a rellationship for some time than having a supposedly relationship with a man who isn't sure if he wants to sacrifice his own happiness and more important his son's and which will eventually make you the woman who ruined his family. I f you can realise and accept why that boy will hate you (cause I think he will) and why that will make the man unhappy himself, thenthe decision is up to you. I understand that when in love you can't really see anyone ele but him and you but just for a moment take a step back and see his surroundings, who is going to be affected by this love.Just so you know because I understand your situation, I actually shed one tear or two but still there is another option: follow your heart in a way which will not hurt his family or him, I can't tell you that wat because I can't find one right now but think abut it again and I am sure you can find one.
Reply:You are 47 years old and fell for the oldest trick in the book. He has his cake and eats it too. Why is it this way? Your pain is your karma. Because you became sexually involved with someone else's husband. Chances are that you aren't the first. It doesn't matter what and how you feel. You are trying to break up some other's woman's family and break a boy's family up.
Reply:Tough question You could do one out of the three options:





1. Calls his wife and tell her the truth, he's been cheating on her, it would be best if you insightful or had proof. If he loves you he would still be in your life because at this point he can't have his cake and eat it too, its one or the other or NOTHING at all.





2. Go to therapy and meet up groups at meetup.com make some friends and get to know them build up your self confidence and your views on other peoples love life's and some how relate them to yours.





3. Tell him like it is, "if you love me then prove it!" He will always have his son, and his wife might end up being friends with him because they have a son. You could threaten him and take a big chance. By this,you would ask him if he wants you to be with you for the rest of his life or would you want to get a devoice?If he doesn't pick you then he NEVER loved you but used you because that would be all your good for to him not even good enough to be his wife but someone he can have a second life with so he can cheat on his wife and go back to his perfect little life he's worked so hard to keep. And if he doesn't chose just know you have the power to ruin his life by having NO ONE LOVE HIM.








If you don't want to do any of the above options, then go to therapy maybe you then will understand why you love a man who belongs to someone else. Just an idea. Also take a good long vacation with a family member or best friend and have a jolly -o- time!
Reply:Try seeing someone who is single %26amp; you probably wont have such issues. Don't be a homewrecker if he doesn't love the person that he's with that's his problem not yours. He could just be saying that anyway it's the oldest trick in the book.
Reply:You are obviously making the wrong choices in love. Go see a shrink to help you with your emotional problems. Why do you keep on choosing men that is unavailable?? Do not wait for this man. If he really loved you he will let you go because he is not willing do disrupt his life for you. Find a man that will love you and is available to you.
Reply:leave this man and find someone else he wants the best off both worlds his woman and child then you on the side wen she wont give him it at home.The father off my son done the same cheeted on me with someone on off for a long it started when my son was onle 2 weeks old. People like you make me sick find a man that aint already taken with a family coz we are the ones left holding the child while you off rolling around in the hay with him and besides he would only do the same to you.
Reply:bulls#it,if he loved you he'd be with you,he will always have his son whoever he's with
Reply:First things first. People never belong to anyone else. If someone has you in their life, it is because they want to, not because they own you.





I am sorry for your situation, but I really think you answered your own question here when you said 'He loves me too, but won't leave...'. In a nutshell, this man will never leave his wife for you. It is too convenient having his son as the reason for him not to move on and take a shot at happiness with you. I really hope you can distance yourself from this man and find someone who will make being with you their top priority. Best of luck.
Reply:Plenty of people divorce despite having children. If he's still with his wife, it's because he still loves her. Maybe not in the same way that he loves you, but she is still a factor. Don't forget they've been through a lot together and there's nothing that can make up for that, especially if you share a bond with a child.


I can see you love him, but you mustn't be selfish. Imagine if you were his wife, how would you feel. He has to chose, he can't have you both. Why would you be satisfied with his caste offs. You're 47 - still plenty of time to meet others I'd have thought. My friends mum has just met someone else and is in love and she's nearly 60!


Move on. If he really loves you he'll come after you. If he doesn't, well there's your answer. He's cosy comfortable with the best of both worlds at the moment while he's lying to his wife and lying to you. He does understand how you feel, but while he's in his comfort zone, he just doesn't really care that much. sorry.


Be strong, move on. Of course it'll hurt, but much worse to still be in this position 10 years from now. What will his excuse be then? Has he ever said to you that he'll leave his wife when his son turns 20 or 25 say? No, thought not.
Reply:i would stay at arms length and let the man sort out his marraige, interference may make you look like a homebreaker which i'm sure you not, its biological.


i understand where you are coming from but i think this guy needs to tell his wife how he feels, if theres no love there then he will leave very soon i'm sure especially if you are waiting!
Reply:Guess what? This guy is playing you like a fiddle!! He's not the first guy who used the old "I'm staying because of my son" line %26amp; he won't be the last. If he was truly "the one" he'd have left his wife already. The fact that he hasn't mean that he more than likely won't because he already has what he wants: a wife at home to pick up after him %26amp; a mistress to sleep with whenever he waves his wang at her.





I was in the same boat %26amp; felt the same way as you once. It ended up that his claims of only staying for his son %26amp; because he felt bad for his wife were only lies. He wanted a piece on the side. You'll find love out there, you just have to look for it.
Reply:well.if he can sort out his marriage to be with you,then why not.


he is not in love with his wife and his son is pretty old to understand .


nothing wrong about you loving each other and


divorce is always better than living sad .
Reply:Frist dont think I am saying that he does not love you! I am very sure he does.





But he has a 15 year old son and kids are not stupid. If he does not love his wife then its shows.





See you took the step you separted.. He not taken that step for you.





I am sorry to say but sounds to me like he treats you second.


I am sure you have to sneak around and only still time when you can.





If he so worryed about messing up the childs life. How come he wont talk to a mental health person on how to handle this. Does he love you enough to do that?


If he truely loves you. He will do all in his power. Sounds to me like he not trying to hard
Reply:Vicky you are a shame to all women.





Get yourself a man of your own and leave your sisters man alone.





One word, Jezebel.
Reply:stop fooling yourself.
Reply:I would not try to break up a relationship. Move on and get a life.
Reply:Why are you even here asking this stupid question? You rearranged your life to accomidate this man and what are your just rewards??





STILL WAITING??????





His son is fifteen. He would have to be a complete moron not to know his parents are unhappy. Do you really believe he is comfortable and secure in the relationship he leads you to believe exists with his parents.





I'm quite sure he would feel more secure and grounded if his parents quit faking the **** and were realistic..





So, is his son in the shawdows or are you? Either way neither one of you is getting the trust and realty that exists in a relationship with a person that claims to love you and have your best interest at heart. Your both getting played.





Either you cause he doesn't, or his son cause he does. Neither one sounds like someone to commit or put your hopes into.





GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!





Love, peace and hair grease!!!!