Please critique this love poem.?

I wrote this a while back for a girl who trashed my heart. Please tell me what you think of this peice. Enjoy.





My Executioner





I’m slowly dieing,


my grave is dug.


You harshly condemned me


my first true love.





You tore my heart,


left it in shreds;


While knowing I loved you


with everything.





You took my hand,


fulfilled my dream.


You made me feel,


sweet things, my queen.





I gave you love


not thinking twice.


I gave you all of me,


Heart %26amp; Mind.





You kindly took it,


or so it seemed.


Next thing I new,


you killed my dreams





You left me there bleeding,


barely alive.


While you were off kissing


some other guy.





You tell me you love him


You know it’s a lie.


You try to believe it


to feel good inside.





And meanwhile I lay here,


drowning in tears.


For I will still love you


for many more years.





And then I start wondering


if you’d even cry.


If I were to somehow,


mysteriously die.





Would you even remember me,


would you even care.


Or would you forget me,


great moments we shared.





And would you remember


the love that I gave.


The love that you squandered,


that you threw away.





Or would you then value


that deep, pure, white love.


And how I still loved you,


till breath left my lungs.





You saved me from drowning


for that I am glad.


But then you condemned me


my princess, my downfall,


……..My Executioner..……

Please critique this love poem.?
It's very deep and well-written. However, I hope you didn't give it to her, because she might think you've lost it....But it must have been therapeutic to write.


You're a great writer. I hope whoever comes into your life next gets some (more positive) poems from you!
Reply:A couple of nitpicks:





It's "Next thing I knew" not "Next thing I new" and "meanwhile I lie here" not "meanwhile I lay here"





It's pretty poem. I'm sorry she broke your heart :( I hope you heal.
Reply:good stuff, well not for you obviously....
Reply:its amazing. we shoudl swap poems spmetimes. if u want to email mazelinba@yahoo.com
Reply:That is deep almost brought me to tears. I hope you the best, you will find a lucky lady, because I think you are a nice, terrific, smart guy.
Reply:Well written very depressing but well written!
Reply:Nice poem, dude, nice poem! Anyway, I think you should say "..Or Would you forget me, AND THE great moments we shared....."





Also, you use the word condemned twice, try not to repeat! Use a synonym.
Reply:wow!


that was amazing!


that grl must hav really broke ur heart...!





my only advice is to spell check a little bit.....ok





good luck man!!!!!!
Reply:it makes the so called "Queen" seem like a total back stabbing b*tch


and it makes you sound like you have issues
Reply:I enjoyed it even though it was sad you got your heart broke.